Quiet Down!

There is a comment that I am thankful for from His Dearest attached to the last blog. It reminded me how little wisdom I actually have, and since then I've been trying to listen more and speak less. And hopefully enjoy the flowers along the way.

Life can be a tempest,
even if you are alone.




maybe especially if so...











God is always there for us, waiting for us, but oh how we need each other when we can't find him. It's odd that these are the times when we are most often alone-





and sometimes just an empty street is
enough to get you by.
just a place to rest your feet...
sometimes it takes all I have to
remember i'm not alone.
sometimes i don't even have that much.

but there's been enough light in my life
to remember the warmth of the glow,
so still I walk forward,
waiting for something to get through to me,
for someone to stop and shake me,
for a heart warm enough to melt me.
when the excitement is not present,
I pray I will not be defeated
by loneliness.


never give up on love,
never say die,
"never leave lonely alone" ( ben harper )


dan

hats

just thought this image was cool. found the hat for an amazing $5 but it didn't fit. after tossing it on the cobblestones for someone else to find, i saw the opportunity for a good picture.

if i could only take off the hats I wear, mostly woven of my strange fears and my imagination, life would be alot more fun. Jesus loves you people. thanks for checking it out. the blogs gotten a little slow, I know. it comes from my rare connections to the internet. smile and love; hope always.

dan

Mystery of Future Romance

From the response I've gotten to my poetry, maybe more writing is in the future for me. Thank you all very much for your compliments. No major comments from the starving artist today, just that I hope there really is someone like this out there for me. I told someone else to try this, and figured I ought to take my own advice.
hope someone enjoys it.
dan




Where are you?
Through all this pain
I hear you.
Your hair dances
like a melody on the breeze,
framing your face
with joyful noise.
Your eyes show your strength-
like a river wild running,
carving a path through
a world made of stone.
Your lips are something too
tempting to touch-
when I get there,
will I dare to?
Arms reaching,
pleading - never begging-
that one eyebrow raised
makes me wonder
if maybe I'll get tickled,
and the reassuring smile
reminds me I'll not know
until I'm caught in a fit of laughter
and then after, maybe you'll hold me
or maybe you'll run.
I imagine the light in your face-
long for your embrace,
all the while that sweet voice,
reminding me that
there is a choice-
that rewards come from fighting
and working
and praying;
where are you?
Though I can't see you
I hear you,
waiting for me there,
wanting me before you have known me,
the way I want you now;
saving all the kisses
you would have blown me,
as you sent me out to
take on the day
with all the love that I'd need
if you were already mine.
time stands between us
so I can only imagine us
in green fields with clean air
and countless hours without a care
because each carries the others' burdens-
and fills in the holes
that we've made on our own.

Time for Change

Moment of Calm

wind, calm here at the ground;
up above it is pushing round
clouds of blue and gold, silver -
limitless hues of colors unnamed;
they swim together, unknowing -
purposeless except that we enjoy them
for the beauty they are showing.
birds fly across a painters dream;
seas of glory bearing no seams.
and do they know how wonderful their roads are?
do they look up and count the stars
as they travel for food, for safety, for young -
why did he look up?
why did he call for me?
of all the busy things we create,
there's something more to see.
that sky; the wind, still as a lover's gaze -
drew him away; called down into the maze
and reminded us both that there is something else.
such a moment, such a scene -
not cold nor hot, but distinctly serene -
can take the pain from the moment,
the fear from the fight;
remind us why we search for the light.



This poem was written after my father called me out onto the patio (pronounced pat ee oh) to look at the remnants of the season's first tropical storm. The clouds had dissipated, and all danger from the storm was gone now that it had made it all the way up to memphis. But it made for a beautiful sunset, the clouds reflecting all the colors of the rainbow, and in such a vivid way that it is impossible to discribe. The light reflected off the clouds made the grass look greener, the bricks on the house redder; basically multiplied the visual impact of colors even on the ground. It was as if the scene from that patio had been transported into some beautiful tropical setting - it made for quite a moment. Even in the drab surroundings of a retail driven city that straddles the interstate, radiant beauty shows up for tea every once in a while.

It made me think of all the things I take for granted as the days go by; all the flowers I never stopped to smell, and I was thankful to share something like that with my dad, regardless of our differences. It was good for me to notice the art of our God and Creator, and remember how small and imperfect the things I create are compared with his indescribable, unimaginable pallete.

back home, so more posts soon I hope; I have much to do and alot of growing and learning is way up there. thanks for checking this stuff out.
Smile, and look for the light. Love always

dan

Some New Art and Perspective in Degrees

It's been longer than a week so maybe I'll make up for lack of quantity with some quality; that's the hope anyway.

btw, you can stop or browse the music that started when you got here at page bottom!


So I got some more art to put up; the sketches are weeks old, the paintings are all new. When we are kids, there is something fascinating about superheroes. Comics, cartoons, and movies portray characters who have been given massive abilities and are thereby shouldered with the burden of protecting the good things in life. The heroics and often the human side of these characters inspire us to think in positive ways about our own gifts and talents. While we cannot lift trucks or fly like an eagle through the air, we can all do something that can inspire or help the people we come in contact with to live better lives. This despite our being human and all the natural flaws that come with that fact.



The best comics and superhero stories to me remind us not only to use our skills for the good of others, but that we have flaws that must be managed and worked through, like Wolverine's great care for others' safety balanced with a raging temper he constantly battles, for instance.

So I've made a little progress in my life and with some of the issues that cloud my mind, and I am learning that 'perspective' in life ( the way we view things ) can only be changed in degrees. Our progress must be made in tiny steps, as we live in an illusion that makes life seem like a long thing. In truth it's a breath ( see Fraser's songs in the new playlist @ page bottom, ) a whisper, but that doesn't change the fact that I have to work right now, in this moment, to make the next one ( and the way I accept and use it ) better.

These two are from an idea my dad gave me. The pictures' elements are framed by the random, natural patterns found in the woodgrain. They are painted in watercolor directly on raw wood.


And these two are a new idea, using washes for the background, and alot of texture in the acrylic paint, then using japanese ink to add contrast and 'lift' some of the elements off the canvass to show even more depth.





Last note: if anyone has any connections or advice in the freelance art and/or illustration fields, information would be greatly appreciated. I've got to find a way to increase income and share this art. It would be AMAZING to work at something like this and create income while sharing. thanks.

email is: danmarsh1@gmail.com
Hope you like the artwork. It will be another week ( got some work... ) before I get another chance to post. Pray for me if you think about it. Things aren't easy, but my perspective is better more often and I have to have faith that that alone will help.

love, faith, perseverance, and never lose hope in your life. a great song : shower the people by James Taylor. Till the next post - Dan

Something Nicer

Looking Up should be easier...

That last post was a terrible note to take a break on, so ...

The news is positive with my aunt.
Everything went as good as it could have.
So that is wonderful.

I'm not exactly atop the mountain or basking in the sunrise yet,
but I am putting one foot ahead of another.

Going to do a lot of artwork, a lot of praying and journaling.
Going to get a job or four,
Going to learn to laugh at myself again,

going to start now - and I'll post again with
something to show and say in 3 to 7 days, so please come back...
thanks for the cyber - support . Jesus loves you.

HELP

It should be no surprise to most people to hear that life is a series of highs and lows; hilltops and valleys. I've had alot of each, but never thought it could get as bad as it has. Mostly this blog has been about encouragement, but maybe its time for some more transparency. Humor me please;
everybody hurts.

The valley is low, so cold it could snow but these clouds aren't so puffy and white. inside and out I stumble about can't tell if I'm numb or contrite. Waiting it out, brushing off doubts... somedays just being is a fight.

See I've done alot of things I wouldn't do again, and quite a few things I would love to. So many lies have invaded me that I can't shake them. So many hurtful things have crossed my mind that I cannot defend myself. Today I want to give up. This is so wrong. The problems that caused all this, I shared them with psychologists - they wanted to medicate me and I went along; personally, the drugs didn't help. I told them everything major I had ever done wrong and they said ... well that's not so bad. Now it's gotten really bad; the lies are repeating themselves again and again in my mind and I even hear myself saying them as if they are true, things about hurting people, about evil and ridiculous nonsense that I can't comprehend at all. I've begged for help and I know Jesus hears me. It is like they have been reinforced so much in my head that I can't get them out. The level of how ridiculous the thoughts are makes them easier to dismiss - I know I could never hurt people or anything like that - I know I have no desire or capability of doing such things. But the thoughts are still there. I go to find a job, they occur. Drinking doesn't help (no more of that), praying sometimes helps but as for now I don't understand why these thoughts always come back. Never would I have guessed how much spiritual and mental trouble an average moron like me could go through. God is really allowing me to be tested, and it seems that I'm steadily failing. I haven't had a hug in so long; my friends are all gone, I'm scared to go around people because of all this - scared to hug folks for sure - i feel leprous. Someone in my life has just found out she has cancer. It breaks my heart because I can't do anything - can't even feel right - can't be there for her because I am so wrong inside - so scared about all the IMAGINARY problems, coupled with the real ones in my life that I can't support someone who means alot to me and has brought me nothing but support and love - love she was not obligated to give. How do I do it? How do I get rid of me? God says in the bible that we are to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow him. I'm having trouble with the first part right now, mostly because if I don't get a job and get my life in gear, this mess won't get better. Please pray for my aunt, she is a wonderful woman who is strong, but none of us can stand alone. It's so dark in my life right now and I can't seem to find a light to follow, though I know it must be there. Also if I can't stay around others, how will I overcome this leprous feeling? It's scary, and I can't find anywhere to go to meet people where this stuff doesn't follow me. God, I need some support. But those around me, especially the person spoken of above, need it worse. HELP!!??!!


believe daybreak, and joy, are coming.


feel like I need to say, still - love, give, persevere, be honest, and LIVE!

Hiatus...

this is a bad time for this because people have just started reading this blog, but I'll have to take a leave of absence for a short while; looking for a paying job and getting "ducks" in "rows" and whatnot... thanks for reading and checking out my art. in a few days, maybe the break will leave me time to put some great things together to show the blog community... thanks for everything.

dan

Ok, 90 Days, Now What?

It's been three months since this blog was created. Some progress has been made, alot of cool gadgets discovered ( see the cool slideshow of my art to the right,) and I've only managed a few new contacts, but sorted alot of my thoughts, which is what this is all about. The comments are only a plus. Still, there are two things I would like to ask of whoever sees this blog in the future:

1. How do you find blogs to read that relate to your interests? ( my searching has resulted in a few hits and alot of misses, just random looking )

2. Please, please ( not just here but each and every time you visit a blog that you enjoy ) comment about what it is you enjoy about the blog. Is it the layout? The content? If the author is an artist (hint...) what do you think of their work. I think this blog thing is wonderful, and alot of these people are posting just to see what the world thinks, and to make friends ( not all of us are blessed with the rolicking social life the reader is sure to have.) So tell them!! ( I'll do the same from this day on, on my blogger's honor. )

By the way I've had pizza two times in a week. Got to watch that. Starving artists can't afford $20 meals every day.

BONUS!

this was found on a gas station pump in a small mountain town... (wonder if Jay Leno would use this on his show?)

$3.85 a gallon and now this?!?!

imagine all 8 pumps are going at once... like opening a vault in a cheap sci fi movie, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15, pump!

thanks . love always. persevere. Dan

Solitude

This poem was inspiring to me, a reminder to persevere and find hope and smiles even in the loneliest circumstance... hope it encourages others as even as it did me.

Solitude

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost in the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not heed your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all-
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we all must file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

this poem was found in The Book of Virtues by William J. Bennet; the artwork is my own and for sale...

It seems kind of liberating to me that no one seems to read my blog. In my state, being lost in the world of bloggers is almost a blessing. Myspace is another story. Signing up today, after years of looking down my nose at 'those silly myspace people', it was a poetic justice that nothing worked right. Couldn't customize my background, couldn't even enter in all of my info. Just error messages and nothing. Had I been using a mac, it may have caused the beachball that scares so many people. Maybe this was myspace's version of the spinning beachball of death, or maybe they were just getting me back for all that negative word of mouth advertising. Who knows. It's been a 50 50 ish kind of day, but God's in control, and I most certainly am not, so let's all just be thankful for that. Love, peace, hugs, and many tommorows to the world and all who live in it...

Portraits

Yesterday was a decent day for me. Only decent because I am scared to use the term 'good' about a day. When did it get to that point? No clue. But it would be nice to get back to that phrase my mom gave me about the quality of our days. " I have no bad days. Only good days and better days. " Some better days are undoubtedly in the future as I am beginning to remember how little I am required to do in life. Some say greatness is born in adversity... this may be true, but it depends on what your concept of greatness is. For me, greatness would be simplicity. Humility, peace, love, and stability. Faith and honesty. These are my goals. Found a new talent, one I had never pursued. I am now beginning to practice portrait drawing. Mostly in graphite and some oil pastels, the old trusty of all my mediums. This is exciting. Something new that carries the possibility of making a little cash, something I am not so great at anymore. Somehow depression and low self esteem make it quite hard to make a living. So I trudge along, trying to ignore what I have to ignore, inside and out, and focus on loving others no matter the difficulty of that, and then POW! One of the most beautiful faces I have ever seen gazing lovingly at me through my clearance priced dell flatscreen. What to do ? What ? So I drew her. And there she was, not half as beautiful as the photo, all graphite and pastel, but I did it! And it looked like a person! I got asked to do a sit-in portrait, all in the same day. ( I politely refused - more photo practice is a must ) But who knows, next time maybe...

Since no one's read this i guess i am writing to myself, but hey that's part of what this is about anyway, huh? Two thousand miles in less than a month all for work and not that bad at all. i've seen south florida again and the gulf coast for the first time. Florida is beautiful. One of God's gifts to our blessed country. The coast was nice too. The ocean laps softer there, and the place is still being rebuilt three years after the hurricane. The people were all nice and soft tempered, but you could see that they had been through much. I couldn't speak much to them; not a socialite at all anymore. But there is alot to do there. More work, rebuilding. I'm not into casinos, but there were plenty of bright lights and flashing signs for those who are into that sort of thing. A lot dissapointed in myself because I let my dad down. We never do things anymore. The stress of work made it tough, but even the one night when we could get out together, I was hardly there. So much of my life is a mystery to me, sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn to love again. There is an ache that is so hard to ease in me. So little of what I do seems to have significance in life. That is the old enemy of self pushing me around, and the wheel keeps on turning. The stars come out, and God, I am thankful to be free. For all our complaining (and there are plenty of real things to complain about,) we live in the best country on our planet, and should be thankful for that.

What is it about music that soothes our souls? It has a quality to it that taps into the energy in our hearts, and brings it out in some way. Like any art, I think the point is to convey emotion; to share experience. It's amazing. It will take a long time for me to learn enough to feel good at what I play, but already it's obvious that music will be a large part of my existence. When the music is good and the mood fits inside it, you can transcend the moment and leave life behind, at the same time feeling and living in the music. Thank God for it. There's a great website I'll share as well

http://thefairest.info/top.html

The images on this site are stunning. Haven't looked at the sibling sites, but this outlet (top pics) is clean, and refreshing.

Music is a wonderful thing. I have lost touch over the past year or so with much of my musical interest, but have begun to listen again. Listening is a wonderful thing, too. And essential to life, which, as I see it, is all about relationships. My mind is often a dark and uncomfortable place, if you were to look at it as the sum of all the words that flow through it. Mostly the dark words are just words, though. No intent or actual hurt involved. This stinks. It is uncomfortable and alienating. But through God's grace, I live, and some (hopefully) happy things will soon happen in my life. There are thousands of things for me to be thankful for including a loving family that does not receive enough credit. Someone helped me buy a guitar. I've played very little over the years, but decided to sit in public and play for a while tonight. A great idea. My amateur music joined with a young local musician who is light years ahead of me, and had the same idea for the night. I earned a dollar. That's right. One beautiful, hard earned and much appreciated American Greenback. Thank the Lord. It was a huge encouragement to me. Just thought that was a great thing, and the music took me away from myself and all the things I fear in this world for a while. It's been said in many ways I'm sure that music is a window into Heaven. I don't know but it's got me, and I hope I stick with it. Frustration and depression may melt away, or at least replace all these useless words in my head with notes.

Post One

This quote is great, though the altering of your attitude, I'm learning, may take alot of effort. But before that, there is someone I have to plug. Jon Foreman. I bought a couple of his songs the other day and the stuff's great. He's a folky rockish simpleman kind of songwriter and he sounds quite real and into his songs. Wish I could link to the guy, maybe I'll learn soon. Jesus loves you - even when you don't feel like it.

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind" - William James

Hello To Whomever

Today another joins the plentiful ranks of the internet blog community. This is somewhat in spite of myself, because I've not been so outgoing for a while now. That's OK, I say to myself, this is the internet, this is not a social function, it's a social outlet. While it can't possibly replace face to face interaction, it will be good for me. Like spinach, or running until I fall over. No, no, I think this will be a ton of fun once I get the hang of it. This is an attempt to reach out, to give myself something constructive to do, and maybe even smile a little. I have a Savior I do not know well. I believe in Him, and will point anyone curious toward Jesus. There is no doubt he is my Saviour, and much as to my spiritual condition. Please tell me there are others out there like me, caught in the in betweens and hoping. I realized the other day, (a little bird told me) that I have to live this life. Here. Now. This came as a shock to me because I was sure that I was already living. Existing. Surviving. But more alone than necessary maybe. Hopefully someone will get something out of the thrashing around of this young, lonely man. Hopefully I will get something out of this blog. There will be some of my poetry, some original art, and references to songs, art, or literature, comments on life. I think it will be a pretty free flowing thing. Most of all everything here is an honest attempt to share things I believe could be uplifting, enjoyable, or encouraging. Hope there is something here for you. Oh and a little plug for me, I will paint custom paintings for people, or sell pretty much whatever is on the blog. Got to try and make a little money somehow. Search for Jesus; love each other; love and live life. It's worth it. Smile.